Shepard's Journal
by SweetEcho
Summary: This story takes place between ME2 and ME3 as well as the events of ME3 and after as well. The thoughts and feelings of our good Commander Shepard. Basically what she hides from everyone. The romance between her and Garrus.
1. Entry 1

Kaylia Shepard April 24, 2186 Entry 1

So it has been 3 weeks since my trial for the destruction of the Bahak system. I was relieved of duty. They took away my rank, and my ship. I now have to sit in a civilian apartment on Alliance post and do nothing. I am only allowed limited communication with my friends, and nothing involving the trial, my imprisonment, the Reapers or anything of real importance. They by that same token cannot tell me anything to me about what they are doing, or I won t see the message. I have decided since I have nothing better to do with my time to start this journal. I don t know what I am going to do with myself. I miss Garrus. I sent him an email today; he has gotten back to me but that probably because he is busy. I haven t seen him since our mission against the collectors was a success. I am glad everyone survived that. I don t know what I would have done if I lost another friend to the Reapers. Losing Ash was hard to bear. I hate to think about what trouble Garrus could be getting into. He was good at getting into great heaps of it. Wait I have an email. Maybe it s him .

Well it wasn t Garrus but it was Liara. She wanted to let me know she and Feron are ok, and they are working hard on getting things finished. I am worried for Liara, but I also know she can handle her own.

Before I died two years ago, Liara and I had become very close, and she shared an experience with me that she had not shared with anyone before and to my knowledge hasn t shared with anyone since. The Asari bonding is a wondrous thing. The feelings that it invokes inside are just indescribable. Everything with Liara was great. Then the Collectors destroyed the Normandy SR-1, and killed me. Cerberus, with Liaras help recovered my body, and they began the process of bringing me back to life. Apparently I was important enough to still be needed to fight, because they succeeded in their mission to revive me. They were also working on rebuilding the Normandy. They perfected the already wonderful war ship that I used to take down Saren, the Geth and Sovereign. They also managed to get my pilot Jeff Joker Moreau. He was is the best damn pilot I have ever met and if I ever get to fly again I want him to be at the helm. The Normandy SR-2 is 30 times better than the SR-1. The driver core is bigger, the lay out through Cerberus is kind of weird. They had the Armory on the same level with the CIC, not very effective that way if you ask me. The Armory should be in the shuttle bay, so you get your gear for the mission then get on the shuttle, and not have to carry it down the elevator. That is one design flaw I hope they change while doing the retrofits.

While we were gathering that necessary arsenal to fight the Collectors, I had a dossier on a Mercenary Commander that slightly reminded me of Garrus. I disregarded the thought because why in the world would an organization focused on human interests want a Turian in their affairs. However I was proven wrong when I got to Archangel, and found out that it was indeed Garrus. While we were fighting the Mercenaries Garrus got hit in the face by a rocket. Miranda, Jacob, and I secured the area killing the last of the Mercs and got Garrus to the med bay, where Dr. Chakwas, with her steady yet gentle hands mended him. As time progressed, Garrus and I became closer than we had when we face down Saren. There was something between us that was similar despite us being of different Race. I began to develop feelings for Garrus. I didn t know how he felt about that so we talked about it when we went to the Citadel, as it turns out he shared those feelings. Once our dear Salarian Doctor Mordin found out about our interest in each other, he gave me information about positions that would be accommodating for the both of us. The day we went to make our hit on the Collector Base, Garrus and I decided to pursue an intimate relationship. I had never had sex with a Race the was so much different than my own. I mean the Asari have a similar physical make-up as Humans so with Liara it was just like being with a female of my own race the was just blue. However with Garrus, well I am glad Mordin helped us the way he did. We would have been lost without that information.

After the base was gone and the Suicide Mission was a success there wasn t much left for any of us to do than to part ways. Garrus and I kept in touch and he told me he loved me and wanted to make it work with me, but we need to focus on getting our races to acknowledge the Reapers and the fact that they would be coming for us soon. I tried everything I could think of to get them to see, but no one listened. I was then sent to take care of an incident in the Bahak system, and everything was going great. I took care of everything I was sent there to do. However thanks to the Reapers the Alpha Relay was destroyed. When I returned to Earth apparently the Alliance didn t like the manner in which I handle things because I was locked in the brig to await trail. I tried to explain that the Alpha Relay was not my fault, but they wouldn t listen. An Alliance Marine was sent to be my guard. His name was James Vega. Now here we are caught up with the events that led me to have nothing better to do with my time than write this journal. So, I got a chess board today; I have been playing with myself. Sometimes it makes me feel slightly crazy. Most TV Stations are blocked so there isn t much I can watch. My extranet access is restricted. You d figure someone who has saved the galaxy would at least be able to watch something, or be given a way to entertain herself while she is trapped in a civilian apartment. I have figured out that they are right when they say you don t know how much you enjoy something until it is taken away. I am a solider, that is the life I have known, and now it s gone. All I have left of that part of myself is the friends I have made. I have emailed everyone, only Liara answers. It must be nice being the Shadow Broker. She works so hard yet can still find time the email me back.

End 


	2. Entry 2

Kaylia Shepard April 25, 2186 Entry 2

Here I am again with nothing better to do. Vega came by to see me just a little bit ago. He is not guarding me anymore. Now it is some Private that won t even talk to me. Seriously, who wouldn t wanna talk to Ex-Commander Shepard? Hear firsthand how I hunted down Saren, but no the little stick in the mud, won t even look at me. This is getting tiresome. So, anyway about Vega s visit. He seems to be a good solider always asking about the different things we did last. The missions how I managed to make tough calls. How I could easily sacrifice someone and keep going without a second thought. I told him the truth, it s not easy. I think about those who have given their lives for whatever reason we were fighting for. I go to sleep thinking about the soldiers I lost on Torfan. I wonder if I could have done things differently and saved more lives. They call me the Butcher of Torfan . I can t stay in here forever. I need to get out or I will go crazy. Oh wait someone is coming .

So, that was Anderson they took me out. It was nice. They are giving me leave to be a little freer. I can now go and do things as I please, as long as I have an armed guard with me. The guard can be my choice as well; I think me and Mr. Vega are going to become great friends. So, Anderson and I went to this little court yard with a garden overlooking the ship yard, I get to watch as they do the retrofits on the Normandy if I wish. I watched as people came and went from my ship, and I wonder how Joker is feeling about all of this. I wonder what they have done about EDI. Wonder about Grunt; and Tali; and Jacob; and Jack; and Miranda; and Zaeed; and Thane; and Morinth; and Legion; and Kasumi; and Mordin; and Dr. Chakwas; and Kelly; and the rest of the people in my life who I will probably never see again. I am done for now. I think I am going to go have dinner.

End


	3. Entry 3

Kaylia Shepard July 30, 2186 Entry 3

Wow, it has been a long time since I have written in my journal. Well anyway, I have been keeping busy. Still haven t heard from Garrus. Liara emails me every now and then but with nothing of relevance and never more than a hi how are you, I am good. Vega and I are getting along great. He goes with almost every time I want to go out. There are a few times that he is unavailable and I most go with another guard, which is usually someone who is unfathomingly boring. I swear they are trying to get me to stay inside. That s never going to happen. I am out of this room as much as can be. They make sure that I am safely tucked away each night before lights out. I am now just passing the time until they come get me because the Reapers are here and they need me. It has been three months since I was relieved of duty. I hate the thought that I may never hold a gun again. They have let me go to the shooting range a few times, just to keep my skill up, and never for too long. I miss my Garrus. I can t stop thinking that he is out there somewhere fighting, or he could be dead. They would know, or if they did they wouldn t care to tell me. Not very many knew of the love Garrus and I shared, and the Alliance wouldn t condone something like that anyway. Asari and Human that is one thing, but a Turian and a Human, completely not going to be ok, at all. It doesn t change anything though; I still miss him and hope like hell he is ok. If only I had a friend that could track him down and make sure he is ok. Oh wait I do ..

So, I just sent an email to Liara. I asked her for something very simple. I didn t ask for what he was doing I don t really care, as long as he is ok and alive. So, that s what I asked her. I also asked for her to keep me updated on hiss wellbeing. As I said as long as he is alive I don t care what he does, even thought I would be able to find out anyway. It was a very simple email. Hey Liara, I am doing well? How about yourself? I have a favor. Can you find out for me how Garrus is doing? I don t care what he is doing as long as he is still alive and has good health. Hey I just got an email

It was Liara. She says she will look into it for me, and that she herself is doing well. So I asked if maybe she could check on the rest of my crew. She said yes. I answered with I will await your answer.

End 


	4. Entry 4

Kaylia Shepard October 6, 2186 Entry 4

Yet again another three months between entries. Well that just shows you how busy I have been. They have let me go to the range more often. I think that they want to keep me sharp for when the Reapers strike. I have also been getting regular updates on all of my teammates from Liara. She says that Garrus is well, and for the most part seems happy. There are times however when he is alone that he seems down. She suspects it is because of me. Grunt is doing wonderful. Fighting hard and proving more and more it was a good thing I released him from the tank all those months ago. I am surprised they let that one slip. Jack is good, that s about all I get on her thought, that she is good. Jacob has his health and is doing well. Kasumi was hard to find, as is expected her being a good thief and all, but she is doing well. Still misses Keiji, but well all things considered. I completely understand if I lost Garrus I would go crazy. Legion has been well Legion. Miranda, another hard one to track down, is good, worried about her sister but good. Mordin is good. Morinth can t be located currently, but she is working on it. Tali is doing good. Thane s illness has gotten worse; the doctors are not sure how long he will make it. Zaeed is fine, goddamnit. Dr. Kenson has been better, but physically she is fine. Joker is pissed about the ship, and them grounding me, but good other than that. Dr. Chakwas is good. Kelly was hard to track down, but good. Ashley is there on Earth with me, surprised I haven t talked with her. She is good. Wrex is great. I see Anderson from time to time so there is no worry about him, and Hackett is good as well. Engineer Adams is doing well also. Liara has been good at making sure I know how everyone is doing. Gotta love having a big time info broker as a close friend. Hold on a tick there is some noise coming from outside

So, the commotion was Vega coming to get me. The Reapers are here they hit earth hard. We got to the Normandy and left. Went to Mars, got Liara, and data on how to stop the Reapers. Ashley got hurt badly; we took her to the Huerta Memorial Hospital on the Citadel. The Council wouldn t help as per usual. However to Turian Councilor asked me to retrieve the Turian Prime arch for the War Summit and the Turians will help Earth. We are on our way to some Cerberus issues and then we will head to Palaven.

End 


End file.
